Come back, my lazy summer days…

“There’s so much sun where I’m from, I had to give it away, I had to give you away…”
– Bruised, by Jack’s Mannequin

More than any other summer, this summer made me feel the most…I dunno, empty? Just waiting for the days to pass before school starts again. I don’t realize what I value until I’m about to lose it. Like summer. Really, I’m the kind of person whose favourite kind of afternoon is spent at home with a book and a cup of hot chocolate (yes, I’ll drink hot choc even in the summer xD). I could spend every day just basking in the sun doing nothing, or in my kitchen baking without having to worry about impending deadlines for projects and presentations and other words I haven’t used since school ended. Just spend everyday enjoying it…lazily. I’m lazy, I know, and really, I think it’s because I feel like I have to do something to counterbalance all the work school requires. So I can just spend hours doing nothing, quite literally. Hours disappear in what feels like seconds, which can be horrible when I’ve got work to do. I could sit there staring out the window at a branch and not realize an hour or two just passed. But maybe it’s my way of enjoying, my way of spending time.

That’s my positive side speaking. Slash lazy side.

My practical side keeps reminding me (no, guilting me) that I am RUNNING OUT OF TIME. I need to learn to stop wasting time. Because even though I’ve been “making” time (ie. staying up later) whenever I’ve been stuck on a project, it’s not going to be much longer before that time actually runs out. Like even if I stay up all night. And really, all summer I could have been MUCH more productive. I could have volunteered (even though I kind of think it’s useless, I regret it now because I’ll have one fun time looking for my first job), could have taken some classes (I tried looking, seriously, it’s hard to find design/art programs), or hell, I could have just worked on my portfolio. I did, to an extent. As in, ok, I’ll just work on it during art class. Even though I take two art classes, I really should have put in more time. I don’t know why I won’t, or worse, can’t. My laziness is going to kill me if I don’t stop, seriously. Sure, I was out biking three times a week and now I take badminton lessons, but that doesn’t count as being ‘productive’. But now, crap, with maybe about a year before my portfolio has to be super duperly awesome and more importantly, finished, I’ve realized I’m seriously pushing it. I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get that all ready in so little time. Really, what am I thinking? Even right now I don’t feel like doing anything. I have so little motivation it’s probably scary. It’s not that I don’t WANT to be successful, it’s just that I’m so…well, for lack of a better word, lazy, that I can’t push myself to do the things I should.  I don’t know why I can’t MAKE myself be productive. I don’t know why I can’t FORCE myself to do things. Guys, when I’m stuck like this, please FORCE me, because I’m going to say thanks after. Lots of things in life aren’t going to be things I want to do, so I better get used to it. But, ok, like Carol wrote on her blog, I am seriously starting to miss being a kid and not have a single worry in this world. If I could be 10 for the rest of my life I think I’d be happy. Everyday would be like summer. Summer to me is not so much a season as it is a time to enjoy. I sound like an old man. But seriously, the rest of the year I’m caught up in school or random school drama or the nagging feeling that, oh crap, university is just around the corner and I’m not at all ready.

With Grade 11 starting in no time (I can’t believe it, gah), I need to seriously stop being so lazy. But at the same time, I can’t get rid of that longing feeling, that feeling that wants summer to last forever. Waking up each day not by an alarm clock, but when I’ve had enough sleep. Going places and seeing things with friends, and walking my feet off in the process (Steph, my feet still hurt). Staring at the sky and watching the clouds change. Baking or making ice cream whenever I want to, then sharing with others what I slaved over (I’m going to try red bean ice cream soon. I really should get an ice cream maker). Reading so late that I fall asleep with my book open on my face, and with the bedside lamp still on.

But soon it will be days filled with staying up late to study or finish some project, worrying the heck over my grades, never getting enough sleep, plenty of “I feel like crap” days, having to see people I dislike (sorry, but I guess people all have others they can’t like somehow) , snow (and I mean lots of it), and hoping Monday doesn’t have to come.

I already miss my lazy summer days.

I wish I could catch it in a bottle and let a bit of it out everyday so summer bliss could make the rest of the year a little better.

Come back, my lazy summer days…

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